Complaint Mania!

I believe that we make an effort, conscious or not, to get used to things that surround us. We quickly grow accustomed to what’s good, but we also tend to be in good terms with  what’s not so good, maybe in a slower pace though. However, I guess that there are things that no matter how hard we try, it’s just impossible to accept.

For me, one of these things is the low quality of customer service that companies provide. Maybe this is a skill especially well developed by us Brazilians, but I’m pretty convinced that it’s a worldwide phenomenon.

It doesn’t happen when you’re trying to buy something from a company. No, salespeople are generally experts in treating you well. The true façade of customer service emerges when the first problem arises. Salespeople have a clear objective in mind, which is to sell, of course. Support staff also have clear goals, but I’m convinced that the main objective is something like this: ‘how can I get rid of this bore as soon as possible?’.

Some examples:

Situation 1: “Sir, I need a copy of your ID to complete the service”

The following day: “Sir, now I need a copy of your driver’s license too.”

Question: “Why didn’t you say so yesterday?”

Answer given: “The directions are on the website”

Real answer (not given): “I didn’t check all the documentation. When I realised the ID was missing, this alone was enough to get rid of you. I really wanted to catch up on my Facebook banter”

Situation 2: “Sir, I can’t help you because the system is out”

Your reply: “Do you need the system to check if the settings on my new tablet are correct?”

Their reply: “I have to check if you’re really our client”

Your reply: “The chip has the name of your company”

Fake reply: “Sorry, sir. There’s nothing I can do.”

Real answer (not given): “Sir, please do understand me. When the system is out, I have the perfect excuse to be staring at the ceiling watching the minutes go by. I really want to go home. And you must agree, staring at the ceiling is much more interesting than trying to solve your problem”

Unfortunately, I’ve come across the solution that works most of the times. I say ‘unfortunately’, because the options are: 1) be rude; 2) speak loudly; 3) rage. Please notice that you can use them all together.

The consequences of an explosive attitude change the outcome, but not the philosophy. The difference now is that they finally realise that you won’t leave without a solution, which therefore means that the quickest way of getting rid of you is by actually solving your problem. Abracadabra!

It’s a sad conclusion I come to. Firstly, because I guess I’m not a huge fan of being mean to people, and neither are most people I know. Secondly, because it does me no good, on the contrary, I could go without the extra stress and frantic heartbeats. It also goes against my own personality of avoiding conflicts.

So now I’ve been trying to develop the skill of becoming a monster in a few seconds, and going back to my normal self right after, without actually triggering any physical or psychological side effects. The saddest part is that it’s working.